What did we do last night that was yellow?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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