Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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