so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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