you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
