Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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