You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
