Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
