talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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