youre lurking in front of me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
