Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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