Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
