I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
