If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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