Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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