my vag is so smooth its legendary
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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