Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
