piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
