I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
