youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
