I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
