i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
