Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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