You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
two words: eviction party
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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