2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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