last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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