i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
