I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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