My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
