So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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