I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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