Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
