Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
