so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
