I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
