no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
