great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
