Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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