i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
