but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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