Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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