i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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