Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
