Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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