so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
