He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
