I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
