I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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