Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she told me i tasted like america
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
