Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
