i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
