Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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