He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
