There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
