His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
