He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
