I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
