I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
